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How Parents Can Use Entertainment as a Starting Point for Hard Conversations
As a counselor and parent, I am concerned about the messaging of the recently released Netflix series, “13 Reasons Why.”
I listened to the audio book and watched the series. The series, based on a young adult novel by Jay Asher, is about a teenage girl who leaves behind 13 cassette tapes as a sort of letter to friends and peers after she commits suicide. The purpose of the tapes is to explain the reasons she took her life. The series spares nothing, including graphic sexual assaults, the graphic suicide, and a graphic depiction of young girls cutting. Also of concern is the notion that suicide is a solution for her difficulties and that counselors do not listen. The series seems to center blame and shame on the friends and peers and at the same time give prominence to the attention that Hannah receives after she takes her life. The parents are also portrayed as obtuse and often clueless.
As a parent, I wish cancelling Netflix was the solution to shielding my 14-year-old son from these harsh realities. When asked if he had heard about it, my son was quite familiar and eager to watch it. Knowing that forbidding it would increase his interest, I said he could with the understanding that he and I would be discussing the episodes. In this moment, I heeded my own advice: control what you can control.
The National Association on School Psychologists issued a statement this month about “13 Reasons Why.” It was the first time, according to a spokesperson for NASP, that it had provided guidance about a particular show. It reads, “While many youth are resilient and capable of differentiating between a TV drama and real life, engaging in thoughtful conversations with them about the show is vital.”
However, from a counseling perspective, I know that if it’s not Hannah and her reasons, it will be the next celebrity-produced series that targets this impressionable demographic. My hope is that this series becomes less about the storytelling and hype and more about the catalyst. That is, how can entertainment be used as a tool to help spur conversation and usher in opportunities to educate and better understand our children?
Here are my recommendations:
- Ask your daughter if she is familiar with, for example, “13 Reasons.” If she’s not, this is a perfect opportunity to revisit your family’s entertainment expectations. If she has already seen it, ask her about it and use it as an entrée to gain a clearer understanding of her point of view on the issues presented. It can also just be an opportunity to get a finger on the pulse of where your daughter stands emotionally.
- Remember that sadness in adolescents often manifests as irritability. If your daughter is more on edge than usual, she could need someone to listen instead of enforcing firmer boundaries.
- Take advantage of In-school support services, or ask for an outside referral if needed.
